Today is the start of another new month.

It’s also the start of my youngest son’s final year at college and the day I’ve decided I need to start getting my act together and really pursue my goals.

Like most things I’ve done in my life, my internet career wasn’t planned.

Infact, when I started on the internet, I didn’t even know what an internet marketer was, and whilst I’ve learned a lot, I certainly haven’t been exactly pro-active.

It’s been a pleasant journey, but yesterday it really hit me why I’m here.

My youngest son has autism. He’s 21 years old, mostly non-verbal and needs constant supervision – not because he’s dangerous or difficult (now), but because he’s vulnerable.

Jodi understands far more than he can communicate, but I’m very aware he likes to know what’s happening and if plans change he needs to be told in advance and given an explanation as to why.

His calendar is important to him.

Currently, he attends college in a different county several miles from home. He comes home for half-terms and school holidays, and until this summer,  also came home every third weekend.

The days he was home were marked on his calendar in advance with a red cross.

However, as his life won’t revolve around term times after this final college year, I decided it might be best if we gradually introduce him to staying away for longer.

As much as I love him, I don’t want him to actually come back home to live.  It wouldn’t be in his best interest.

He needs to continue with the independence skills he’s currently learning and  not to rely on me being there all the time.

Whilst, we can never predict the future, hopefully I will die before him, so this time on his calendar, I only crossed off the half terms and school holidays.

When he hung the calendar up yesterday, the first thing he did was check to see when he was coming home.

I could see from the look on his face, he was concerned.

There were two months, September and November where there were no red crosses.

Slowly and deliberately, he took his finger, counted the days from the start of term to the third weekend and stopped.

Without uttering a single word, he asked me by the look on his face, and the questioning look in his eye…

“Why?”

I cried.

I felt really sad as I tried to explain how he’d be having a lovely time, and I’d see him during the holidays, but it reinforced my resolve to get serious with this online thing.

I don’t think my son will ever return home to live, BUT I want to be in a position to be able to support him in whatever way I can, and in order to do that I need to focus on creating a serious business, rather than just enjoying the journey.

Of course, if I’m very lucky, I’ll do both and won’t feel like crying again.

Guess it’s time to put all my past lurking, listening and learning into action and do some M.A.D. (Make A Difference) marketing!

Jean

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